More than a year later, and I now sit in the comfort of resolved internal conflict.
God has helped me build a home away from home, with friends who have become family.
I’m busy with work, joyful in my commitments, and in love with the most incredible man.
I’ve been doing a lot of review mirror checking recently. Looking into the past is fine as long as you don’t do so longingly – and I definitely was not longing for anything that these past few years had to show me.
I dug an odd shaped hole for myself. One I didn’t quite fit into, but was trying really hard to. What I was looking for in that ground was love, happiness, and purpose. All I gathered for myself was insecurity after insecurity, and I dropped my identity to carry them all.
God is stripping me of all these things. My mentor described it like this: we are to God as beautiful pieces of jewellery studded with precious stones. Each of those stones are uncut, though. The whole process of sanctification and growth is God prying the stone out, cutting and moulding it by shaping the edges, and then putting it back.
A few things to note:
– Each of these stones makes up our character; our inner being that comes out towards other people and in each situation in which we find ourselves. God moulds our character – our inner being – so that He may use it. A stone can’t let light shine through it unless it has been cut.
– Also, insecurities are ordinary ground stones that don’t let light shine through at all. We pick them up even though they have no place in this piece of jewellery. Sometimes, we take them from other people or allow them to hand them to us, and all they do is get heavy and stop us from being able to carry the things God wants to give us.
I’m allowing Him to take away each stone I’ve picked up against His design. I feel lighter. I feel beautiful. I feel like a puzzle that has just had its border completed, and now God is filling up the inner pieces.
I am grateful.
I am rejoicing.
But most importantly, my God is good.