I was going to name this blog “Diary of a wannabe,” but that was already taken.
Like most people, I ‘wannabe’ someone. Not just in theory – I really want to be someone who other someone’s look at and proudly point, “I know her.”
Prideful desire? Maybe.
I have a personality that can cater for almost any type of person – although I sometimes scare introverts when I forget to use my inside voice (that was pointed out to me a few times today).
Somehow, writing (and taking photographs – this is very important) helps me get into a zone that caters for me. I spend a lot of time thinking – I digest more brainwaves than I do food (and that says a lot as the amount of food I eat has caused many a jaw to drop) – so I need a place to jot down my over-analytical, often full-of-nonsense, but mostly God-seeking thoughts…and this is it.
If you so happen to find this blog, pray for me. I will be doing the same for you. I want to be someone, and here I can be exactly who I am when I am that. 🙂
Today, I cannot figure out what is on my mind. Everything, and nothing, I suppose.
Millions of thoughts – happy or sad? I’m not sure. Perhaps a combination of both.
The weather has been so perfect. Rain, and cloud-covered grey skies. I’ve been too busy to enjoy it to its fullest, until today.
And now that I am sitting by a huge window, in my pj’s and under a blanket, having finished a beautifully made hot cup of Sri Lankan tea, my mind has taken the liberty of leading the happenings of the day.
One problem, though; I have no idea where it has led me. I feel childlike content at one moment, and then deep affliction. My mind is starting to feel like a dark alleyway that I don’t fancy walking down.
I suppose what is left – and is above babbling about it – is to hand it over to God.
“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” – Psalms 23:4
Ah what a day! – I feel like I will say that when tomorrow comes to a close as well.
On a late night stroll from Baskin Robbins (one of my favourite milkshake stops, but tonight I could only afford a scoop of ice cream) I felt very comfortable, and my brain picked up on this.
Odd thought? I know.
What’s so significant about noticing ones own comfort in their surroundings, with their company? Well, this comfort made me wonder…
Does my comfort mean I belong here? – One would think having two homes is easier or not really something to think about, but for me it means my heart is in two places.
While my heart is caught up in two different locations – each with their own memories, people, promises, potential, and limits – my body can only be present in one.
Ah! There we go…I figured it out. My mind is actually trying to process where I should stay when I have finished my degree.
Is comfort a warning of just settling for what is in the moment, or is it an assurance that you are where you belong?
So this question is the reason my comfort was so heavy tonight…